Mother’s Day is particularly poignant this year as I’m basking in the warm rays of new motherhood. Clara still carries the newborn look about her, and utters those precious little squeaks while fast asleep and produces content coos when engaged face to face.
The wonder of her birth and arrival is still fresh in my memory, but fresher still is loss, as last Friday, at the age of 91, my grandmother passed away peacefully.
Today my mum will be marking her first Mother’s Day without her own mother, Baba to us grandchildren, and Babka to Clara. This isn’t meant to be sad (I believe it was my Baba’s time, however difficult it was to hear of her passing), but more of an observation of the passing of generations. It’s only natural to contemplate the seasons of motherhood when the eldest in the family tree leaves this earth within weeks of the arrival of the youngest little girl.
As my grandmother probably did with my mother and my aunt, I try to imagine Clara as a mother. It’s hard, but I can dimly see her; I know she will mother a new generation, someday. Will she reflect me and the women in the family who have gone on before her? One would hope so – especially their finer qualities.
I unearthed a photo of myself as a newborn yesterday; there aren’t may photos of me in the early days, in fact I used to tease my parents that I was adopted because of the lack of them. In the image,I’m not more than a few days old and my grandmother is holding me while I sleep, swaddled.
What is most remarkable about the photo, however, is my striking resemblance to Clara. The Aimee of 33 years ago and my daughter could be the same baby. For some reason, that makes me want to be a better person. If she’s going to take after me, then I want her to emulate the very best of me.
I read a lot of moving posts around the web this week on motherhood and they’ve all been churning in my head, two in particular. Cheryl wrote how the loss of her mother motivated her to follow her dreams and life of creativity and passion, and in an honest post, Jenna confesses that she often questions her mothering abilities. I guess I’m not the only one cogitating this Mother’s Day.
In a similar way to Cheryl and Jenna, we all wonder at one point or another if we are making our mother – and our kids- proud.
So despite everything I’ve mentioned above -grief, contemplation, self-worth- thankfulness is still the prominent emotion I’m feeling this Mother’s Day. I feel very fortunate to have three healthy children- Noah, Mateo, and our littlest, Clara. They make me laugh dozens of times a day with their quirky questions, and bring tears to my eyes time and time again with their tender words and gestures.
Blessed beyond measure.
Mother’s Day seems like the perfect time to share a few photos of our sweetheart, Baby Clara. My friend and Montreal photographer, Angela Chin, did an amazing job of capturing Clara at just one week old. She is such a little light in our home already, and we can see her happy disposition evolving before our eyes.
Here’s wishing a Happy Mother’s Day to all my readers who are mothers, young or old.